Perception, Reality or Lies?

A dilapidated underground train station was all I had to remind me of how far my life had come, for good and bad I had followed my life and this was my home now. Life was hard, it was difficult full of torment but I could not change that and if I could…I don’t think I would. I had followed my path and the consequences of my actions had caught up with me. Not truly, I don’t think it could ever truly catch up with me but the memories remained and it was these that haunted my dreams. My future now lay in the hands of another, a thing I was not comfortable with and the thought of someone else having a say in my life made me worry and think of the predicament of human nature. If some else can have such complete control as Phoenix had over mine, was the idea…no the ideal of self-control hindered. The idea that we, as humans had a say in the way our life turned out, the idea that a government, company, or order did not have complete control over human life was threatened when you are the lowest a person can get without reaching the grave was determined by a single person. The idea worried me even now, when I knew all she wanted to do was help. But when a person is desperate don’t they say beggars cannot be choosers? And for everything that I had, that was what I am. A beggar, after four years of college, a steady job, and a family I had been reduced to the scum of the earth because of the choices I had made, some beknownst to me, but others where…just…bad choices. As a person reading this I already know you have more than me, you can access things I can only remember from my past life, my successful and sometimes fulfilling life. You have extra money, you have free time or at least enough free time to enjoy a moments of peace, a seat and possible not by a stretch a family, a home…a reason for living life. You have a goal or a reason that allows you to continue. But…if…everything was taken from you how would you react? Like they do on TV. with a moment’s notice a new reason pops up or like in real life you struggle, deny and fight it until you either accept, remember and move on or fight until you have no more left in you and you have nothing left to live for. These choices and many variations are in front of you when the unthinkable happens but the path you take not only depends on you but the situation. I lost everything, how? Well it could have been in the romantic I loved and lost everything or the; I wasted my life on the frivolous. But by telling you I only give one side of the story and there is never just one side of a story. No one experiences the same thing even if they see and hear it the same way. The way people perceive things depends on mood and life. If you asked my daughter she would say it wasn’t my fault about what happened, no one could have excepted it. If you asked my brother he would say it could have been prevented if I had been thinking straight. I will leave to form your own ideas, I won’t give you the answers but your mind will form them. I want you to think. In a way that shows you the reality of life or the falseness of the situation. You are reading this in some form and think good or bad thoughts. You formed an opinion during the first sentence and read it with that thought in mind some will have changed their minds others will have stuck adamantly with their thoughts and because of that you will believe or disbelieve anything I say. I gave one name and little detail, the truth can be found but it will be personal, it will be you if life goes wrong. I am the you that is if life fails and ends in misery, maybe in a different setting. Maybe not in the cold dark lonely place I am in now. But this is my hell. I reached success grasped it and it is gone. It is my fear as much as yours…This is a formation of thought on the darkness that resides inside us all it maybe problematic, twisted or idiotic but it is thought and in this moment it is me. It could be you and with the millions of thoughts that go through our heads everyday it will be. If the darkness of thoughts is forgotten and pushed back until it explodes...